What happens when you bake brownies with applesauce instead of oil?

1. They don't rise much (i.e. they are flat).

2. They are sticky.

3. They have lots of holes in the top layer, much like a sponge.

4. They don't taste as delicious as your typical brownie.

5. You eat more than usual, just trying to analyze them.

6. You wish you'd make them with oil.

Elsie is transitioning from bedside sleeping to sleeping in her own room. Last night was her first night in the crib. Here is how it went:

6:30 pm: bath time

7:00: fussy baby, so I fed her.

7:20: I laid her in the crib, still awake. Crying begins. Mommy's heart breaks, but she holds firm, while desperately finding reassurance on the internet that it is okay to let her "cry it out". I watch her on the video monitor to make sure she is not crying because she has stuck an arm or leg through the slats! Occasionally we go in to pat her, rub her, sing to her, reassure her we are still around.

7:50. Baby falls asleep! Victory! Ok, that wasn't too bad. This will be nice having her go to bed before we do without having to hold her all night.

8:20 Baby wakes up crying. Repeat previous routine.

9:20 Baby still awake and fussing. Mommy and daddy can't bear it any longer. We pick her up. Baby is wide awake and ready to play. Smiling, talking. Hmmm. What to do? I let her entertain me until...

10:00 Fussiness returns. Mommy is tired. Baby back to her crib.

10:20 Baby and parents fall asleep...not sure who gave in first.

1:00 Baby wakes up crying. Ten minutes later mommy goes in for comfort measures. Baby's hands feel like icicles. Mommy feels guilty and picks up baby. Mommy takes baby to bed and nurses while exclaiming to Daddy that baby's room is too cold. Daddy feels the icicle hands and agrees. Mommy falls asleep with baby on her chest.

2:30 Mommy wakes up and realizes baby is still on her chest. Oops. Mommy puts baby in bedside sleeping arrangement due to frigid temps in baby's room.

5:00 Baby wakes up crying.

5:10 Baby falls asleep.

5:30 Mommy's alarm goes off.

I've tried to reduce the draft from her window and opened the vent all the way to help warm her room. I also swaddled her in a blanket so her hands stay covered tonight. Wish us luck as we try this again!

Back to the grindstone. Why do they call it that anyways?

We survived my first week back to work. It was bittersweet. It is good to be back at work because I feel productive and it is nice to be earning income again. It is also nice to see and catch up with coworkers and patients. It is sad because I miss being with Elsie all day long. The good news is that she is with a trusted friend not far from our home. Elsie and I are both adjusting to the change and hopefully every day it will get easier for both of us.

Thankfully, my employer has been gracious enough to allow me to leave an hour early every day in order to have one more nursing session and one less pumping session. This has been a HUGE blessing and made it easier to go back to work.

Here is a video we shot last night from the blizzard we had.

Here is a videoI shot of the snow amount after the storm.

In the Swing of Things

Well, Elsie will be 7 weeks old on Christmas and I feel like we're finally starting to get the hang of taking care of an infant! Let's recap what this journey has taught us thus far, the good and the bad. If you've had children, you can probably relate. If you haven't had children, here is some friendly information on some of what you can expect.

1. Don't count on your baby coming when she is expected! We kept thinking we had another month to prepare. In one way, this was probably a blessing because I wasn't stressed about her coming. Had it been the week of the due date I would have constantly been thinking...is today the day? Was that a contraction? However, it would have been nice to have a diaper bag packed and ready to go when the water broke!

2. Taking care of a baby is hard work! One day I had an epiphany. This baby is completely reliant on us for every need. Feeding, changing, burping, comforting, protecting. This is a 24 hour per day, 7 days per week job.

3. Sleep is valuable. I thought I knew what this meant before I experienced true sleep deprivation. I had no idea the true meaning of "not enough sleep". Not enough sleep compounds everything. Every ache and pain, every grouchy mood, every simple task, every crying jag. I was so tired at the beginning I would see colors when I closed my eyes. The first few weeks I got about 2 hours sleep at a time, if I was lucky. This truly wears you down, but it also really makes you appreciate sleep when you do get it. We are now averaging 3-4 hours at a time!

4. Forget the days of putting yourself as a priority. Baby comes first, in everything! At least at the very beginning. You want to eat? Too bad! You want to sleep? Too bad! You want a break? Too bad!

5. Breastfeeding is not as easy as I thought it would be. I thought...point A to point B. Voila! Dinner is served! However, at the beginning it was more difficult than I had imagined. I had an entire book on the subject, but hadn't gotten to it before she came. There is a skill to proper latching. If you aren't doing it properly, breastfeeding can be painful. Latching the first few days resulted in me gasping in pain and understanding why people turn to the bottle. Thankfully, I was dead set on accomplishing it and a lovely pediatrician took the time to counsel us. We mastered the technique by the time the milk came (day 4).

5. Breastfeeding ranks as one of the top most amazing things I've done in my life. First of all, to look down at this precious baby as she gets her nourishment is a picture in my head I'll never forget. Secondly, I feel immensely proud that I am able to give her food to make her grow. She went from 7 pounds down to 6 pounds 3 ounces in the beginning. When we went for her 2 week check up, I had calculated how much she needed to have gained to know she was getting enough milk. I remember I was so worn down that morning. We put her on the scale and she surpassed the number I had set as a goal. I was elated! Success! "We did it!". It made it worth all the hard work.

6. There are lots of different theories of parenting and what is best for your baby. I've read several books, articles, and opinions on the matter. When it comes down to it, you have to decide what is best for you and your child. We're still trying to figure this one out. Some say you can't spoil a newborn. If they cry, they need something and you need to tend to their needs immediately to result in a more trusting, independent child later on. Another theory says that babies need to cry and you should let them be. I must say, these two theories are completely opposite! No matter what we choose we try to console ourselves that "some people say" whichever route we are doing is the best.

7. The baby blues really do exist. I think we can blame this one on lack of sleep. Baby or not, if you aren't sleeping well, you are gonna feel, well, crappy. They say hormones during pregnancy can do a number on you, but I am here to say it was after delivery that my hormones went awry. I cried easily, took offense easily, complained easily, worried,etc. Then you feel bad for feeling so bad. After all, you've been blessed with this amazing baby! How can you feel grumpy? Thankfully, my husband was very supportive. Good thing he read some of my books so he knew I wasn't some alien wife who had been transplanted in place of the original. My advice to combat the blues/hormones? Talk to people who have been there. They can reassure you that all your emotions are completely normal and you can laugh at their stories! Of course, if you feel bad more than a few weeks after delivery or things are getting worse rather than better, then you may need more help.

8. People try to scare you. When you're expecting, you hear all these horror stories of childbirth and parenting. While some of them may be true, I'd like to think many are exaggerated and told in order to make the teller feel extra special. Why you do need to hear some grains of truth about what is in store, you don't need nightmares.

9. A baby is a miracle. I feel so happy when I think about her first responsive smile, the first coo, the first time she focused on my face. These milestones remind you that this person is a living, breathing miracle!

I'm sure we've learned much more, but we'll save that for another blog. Thanks to everyone for all your love and support as we adjust to life as parents.